Wednesday, December 30, 2009

last of the elf notes

WARNING: THIS POST IS LOOOONG AND MAY CONTAIN A PLETHORA OF MISSPELLINGS AND GRAMMATICAL ERRORS.

HARD CORE ELF NOTE READER-START AT THE BOTTOM OF THE POST AND READ UP--it will make more sense in the end.

December 28, 2009

Dear J, K, A and G,

I was so busy on Christmas day that I just had to get away for a while. I'm on my way from Hawaii to the Caribbean and thought I'd leave you a note. Looks like you guys had a good Christmas!

Have a good 1020 and don't forget to be nice. See you next year.

Love,
Herb

December 24, 2009

Dear J, K, A and G,
Katie thanks for the note. I tested the caramel and thought it was really good. Thanks! There's one extra candy for you for leaving me a note.

Have a fun Christmas Eve and don't forget to do your best to make others happy--like the Cleavermeter from last year, remember? I'm off to help pack Santa's sleigh.

Love,
Herbert

December 23, 2009

Dear J, K, A and G,

Can you believe its only 2 days until Christmas? Well, I can't wait until Christmas! But when its over I'm going to be happy to get back to the quiet life. I'm thinking a couple of months in Hawaii will do me some good, what do you think?

So what are your big plans for Christmas day? That question requires a response (that means you need to answer in the form of a note back to me). I plan on not going to sleep for the next 100 hours or so. Elves are good at losing sleep. Do you know we can stay up for 5 days in a row without acting unusual? We can also sleep for 10 days straight without food or water--kind of weird huh? Of course, I've seen how even missing an hour effects you guys. You get all crabby and emotional. So you probably better get to bed on time, especially on Christmas Eve--no point in being crabby on Christmas day, right?

Hey, you guys are doing a great job with your ribbon jar. Its almost empty, which shows that you've done a lot of secret nice things for others. Good job!

Love,
YFE

December 22, 2009

Dear J, K, A and G,

Thanks for the balloon Alex. I like the face on it.

I can't tell you my secret for how I get into houses. I do actually have a set of keys but I don't usually have to use them to get in. I've taken a Home Entrance Oath promising not to share my top secret information with anyone. So I can't tell you that, but I can tell you that I fly here with some other elves that do exactly the same thing that I do. There's 5 of us in all: Hermey, Sally, Mervin, Lottie and me. We mostly fly together but since Sally makes a few stops in South Africa and Mervin goes to the South Pole to leave notes for a few walrus families, we usually end up traveling back to the North Pole in separate groups.

Just 3 days left to ask questions.

Love Herb, your favorite elf

December 21, 2009

I've got a new plan--well its really the old plan restated: notes and candy come only IF I get notes from you first. Include things such as:

1) Questions you have about Santa, the North Pole, or me
2) What you've been up to
3) What you like/don't like

Love,
YFE

December 20, 2009

Dear J, K, A and G,

Guess what? Rudolph Jr. is finally well enough to train with the other reindeer. Snarkles! The whole pole is celebrating. Rudolpho is very relieved that he doesn't have to lead the team this year. Santa has already named him as next year's leader when Rudolph Jr. retires. that will give Rudolpho a whole year to practice his landings.

You wouldn't believe the change I've seen in Snively over the last few days. Yesterday we went caroling to the toy working elves as they built their toys. They usually sing while they work (which I highly recommend as long as it doesn't keep you from working) but they were happy to give their voices a rest and listen to us for a while. Snively was so smiley and happy. Its amazing how doing things for others helps you forget about what makes you sad and crabby. So if you're ever feelings sad, try to do something nice for someone else and see if it makes a difference--its like magic. Who knows, you might even try it in your family and see how it works.

Love, YFE
Just a few days left until Christmas

December 19, 2009

So are you all done with your Christmas shopping? We're just finishing up all the last minute Christmas toys at Santa's workshop. I'm running out of things to write. Do you have any questions or requests?

Love,
YFE

December 18 2009

Dear J, K, A and G,

Rudolph Jr. has been healing up faster these last few days. I think it might have something to do with the well wishing thoughts of Alex. Alex you're a great kid--did anyone ever tell you that? You've got some great siblings too. I noticed that Grant blew up a balloon all by himself today. I didn't learn to do that until about my 102nd year, in elf years of course. Katie is really kind of a sweetie (is she rolling her eyes at this?) and Jordan is quite the responsible 11 year old. How did your parents get lucky enough to have 4 fabulous kids?

Don't forget to be nice to each other, your stockings are depending on it. Remember coal is always an option for those who decide to be naughty.

Love,
Herb

Only 1 week until Christmas

Dec 17, 2009

Dear J, K, A and G,

I had a little extra time yesterday so I took Snively to the hospital to watch people singing Christmas carols to the patients there. Of course Snively didn't want to go but somehow I talked him into it. We went in invisibly and flew up close to the ceiling so we could see everything well. Snively had a scowl on his face for the first few minutes and then all of the sudden his countenance changed. He smiled as he watched one of the singing children hold on old grandpa's hand as he sang. You see the grandpa was the patient. Snively asked, "are they related?" I told him that these two people had actually never met. The grandpa and Snivley both had a big tear shining in their eyes. We watched the singing group for about an hour after that. Snively was quiet but he looked happier than usual.

You guys doing any caroling this year?

Love, YFE

Dec 16, 2009
Dear J, K, A and G,

Poor Rudolph Jr. is still recovering from last weeks injuries. We were hoping with the magical ointment and everything that he would have healed up by now, but alas he hasn't completely healed. In fact, he's not even well enough to run with the other reindeer for their reindeer training. We've got Rudolpho filling in still. He's actually really great at take-offs, perhaps even better than Rudolph Jr. (don't tell him I said that) but his landings are atrocious and very dangerous, as you can imagine. When Rudolpho doesn't make a clean landing, the other reindeer have to try to stable themselves and the sleigh. These reindeer are highly skilled so they generally keep themselves from crashing into each other but every once in a while they can't help it and they all trip and get tangles up in the reigns, ending up in a big pile of hooves and painful groans. There have been no major injuries yet, just a few bruises and cuts--nothing the magic ointment can't cure.

We'll just have to wait and see what happens over the next few days. Will Rudolph Jr. get better by Christmas or will we have to count on Rudolpho's unpredictable landings? There are so many takeoffs and landings over the course of Christmas Eve. I'm a little worried that if Rudolpho ends up leading the sleigh, with his landings being as they are, the sleigh and reindeer aren't going to make it much passed Canada. We've got a lot of kids counting on us so hopefully everything will work out here in the next couple of days.

Send your wishes and NOTES this way--you wouldn't believe how much they really help.

Love,
YFE

Just 8 days left

December 15,

Dear J, K, A and G,

Thanks for the notes. Jordan, unfortunately you didn't read the fine print and I therefore did not leave a treat for you. Try again tomorrow.

Alex, you're right about Snively, giving him a gift will maybe help him. What do you get someone like Snively for Christmas? Let me know your good ideas.

About Rudolph's nose. Rudolph Senior's nose was the first reindeer nose that actually glowed. It actually all started with his mother Cindy. She loved berries. Most reindeer eat green plants, algae and mushrooms but Cindy always searched out the berries in the forest. She ate so many red berried during her lifetime that her first born fawn (that's the name for a baby reindeer) had a red nose. They noticed it as soon as he was born but it didn't start to glow until he got excited. The glow it made depended on his mood. If he was really sad, it was kind of a dull glow and when he was really happy it was as bright as the best flashlight.

Only 9 days before Christmas--can you believe it?

Love,
YFE


Dec 14, 2009

Dear J, K, A and G,

Its true I decided not to leave you a note and candy yesterday because you weren't answering any of my questions. I received Katie's interesting letter this morning which has made it possible for me to write again.

Yes Katie, helping Snively see how many things he has would probably help him want to complain less. Perhaps a gratitude paper like the one you have on the side of your cupboard would help. Do you guys ever try that when you're feeling sad--think of the good things? Its kind of like the song says, "I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so sad." Do you know where that song comes from?

Jordan, Alex and Grant, here are some ideas of things you can write to me about:
Rudolph Jr.
Snively
Questions about the North Pole
Rudolpho
Your opinion on the "no fly zone" in the library

I want to warn you that soon, if you don't take time to write to me, you will not receive a treat. Lets be reasonable. You don't have to write every single day but I do need to know that you are actually reading my letters by writing every couple of days. You will not be able to depend on your sister for much longer.

Love always,
Your Favorite Elf, Herbert

Dec 13, 2009

No letter

Dec 12, 2009
Dear J, K, A, and J,

So here's the problem at the North Pole--Rudolph is on his last leg. I mean, he's getting old. This isn't the original Rudolph--he's retired, this is his son, Rudolph Jr. He's getting close to his 400th year, which is quite old for a reindeer, and he's finally showing his age. At take off practice the other day he slipped and twisted his knee, then just minutes later he stumbled and cracked open a hoof. He's all taped up and limping around. We're hoping he can make this last Christmas Tour before the next red-nosed reindeer takes his spot. Rudolph Jr. didn't have any sons so Santa had to recruit other reindeer to try out for the job. Red-nosed reindeer aren't actually as rare as they used to be. The thing is that these recruited reindeer are in their 4th year of their 5 years of training. They aren't ready to guide Santa's sleigh. There is one European reindeer that shows a lot of promise--guess what his name is--Rudolpho, kind of funny huh? So anyway, I've been helping with the training of the other reindeer as backup in case Rudolph Jr. doesn't make a full recovery in time--only 12 days 'til Christmas. Maybe if you write a note or two to Rudolph Jr. I can give them to him. I bet it would help him feel better faster.

Love,
Herb

Dec. 11, 2009
Dear J, K, A and G,

I'm going to have to make this short--there's trouble at the pole. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.

Love,
YFE


Dec 10, 2009
We had a breakthrough with Snively yesterday-I know amazing. Well, as hard as it is to be nice and happy around him, I tried really hard. After all he can't really make me sad, I still have to choose to be sad. So I tried really hard and didn't complain with him when he was complaining. When he couldn't think of anything to complain about I told him this joke:

One elf said to another elf, "We had grandma for Christmas dinner."
And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"

He didn't laugh at first but I kept laughing because I still think its a funny joke. Then I told him three or four more similar jokes and finally he couldn't help himself. His frowny face turned right upside down and he giggled, just the tiniest bit. He didn't laugh as hard as me but that's okay. He's not used to laughing yet so it might take some time to get comfortable with it.

Anyway, I'll have to think of other things to try.

Love,
YFE, Herb

Dec 9, 2009

Dear J, K, A and G,

Thanks for the letter Alex and for helping with the writing Katie.

Wow, your kitchen is clean. I love dropping off your note in a clean kitchen.

Alex, I still do have your pirate you gave me when you lived in Massachusetts. How did you remember that far back? Did someone else tell you about it? I keep it in my treasure box. Do you have a treasure box?

So what kinds of nice things are you guys doing and going to do this Christmas season? You can write your ideas down and tape them closed so nobody but me can read them. I think I'm going to work on cheering up Snively--you know that elf that complains all the time, the one I was telling you about the other day. Any ideas for how to help him be happier? I still don't have many ideas.

Love,
Herb

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

More Elf Notes

Dec 8

Dear J,K, A and G,
I haven't heard from you for a while. I'll start up more letters just as soon as I get some responses.

Love,
YFE

Dec 7

Dear J, K, A and G,
So back to the old grind again huh?

I know this elf that hates his job--imagine that! He's a messenger elf like me and can't find anything good about his job during the busy season, which of course is the month of December. He doesn't like flying to and from the North Pole in the cold. He doesn't like writing letters. He can't find anything food about his job at all. All he does is for for the bad and whine and complain about it. As you can imagine he doesn't have very many friends. He's so sad and ornery all the time that people don't want to be around him. I'm not sure how to help him--do you have any ideas? We've already tried to invite him to the elf Christmas parties (there are several every week) but all he does there is sit and complain about the decorations or the cookies that aren't quite as soft as they should be. We need help with him. Please send any ideas. I promise I will try the,.

Love, YFE
P.S. I love you good, happy, kids. Don't forget to smile today.


Dec 6,
Dear J, K, A and G,
You're house was kind of messy when I came this morning, what in the world happened here? What are all the leftover brownies for?

I was sick yesterday with the Walrus flu (the brownies don't even look very appetizing to me). It's a pretty serious disease here at the North Pole. Good thing it only lasted a few hours. The worst of all the symptoms is that you see candycanes every time you open your eyes-man it makes flying nauseating! I ate an orange at your house (hope you don't mind) in order to be able to make it back to the North Pole without getting in a serious accident. Oranges and other fruits and vegetables actually cure the Walrus Flu, which is why I am already feeling better. So don't forget to eat your fruits and vegetables--they'll keep you nice and snefflrhump (remember that's the elf word for "healthy.")

Love,
Herb (Your FavoriteElf)

Dec 5
Dear J,K, A and G,
Thanks for the update on the house sleeping arrangements.
Not feeling well today--more later.

Love, YFE

Dec 4
Dear J, K, A and G,
Thanks for the letters. I just barely got a chance to sit down and read them. Okay about the name--don't make fun of it okay? I mean it! If I hear one word of mockery I will not visit you for several days. Its....Herbert. My pals call me Her for short. My mom calls me Herbie, which even at the age of 314 is still a little embarrassing (those are elf years of course). Do you guys like your names?

Hey, whose that big girl in Jordan's bed downstairs? She looks too big to be a sister and she looks an awful lot like little Emily. Is it her? Is she here on a visit? Where is she living? I haven't seen her for such a long time. I tried to follow her to Venezuela a few years ago but got lost and ended up in India. They have some pretty good food there. Have you ever tasted Indian food?

Love, YFE (only 20 days until Christmas--snarkles!)

Dec 3.

Dear J,K, A and G,

Sorry I was late today. Man it was cold and windy!.
I know you've been dying to hear about Marv and so I'll tell you why he walked backward. The poor little fellow was a very shy penguin. It was mostly due to the snickers he heard from his friends and even occasionally from adults when his mother called in her singsong way, "Marvaaaaander Harooooold, come get your lunch" or "Marvaaanderrrrrr, time to take your bath." He was down right embarrassed about his mother singing his long embarrassing name, so the whole city could hear it. When people asked him questions he would turn his head as far away from them as he could. He did it so much that his muscles got stretched enough that he could turn his head all the way backward (only some animals have this ability, don't try this at home). He got so used to it that he hardly turned his head forward. After several days his neck muscles would not turn forward anymore--his muscles had tightened in place. He started having to walk backward so he could see where he was going. When he started school, the other penguins noticed Marvander's peculiar ways. They thought his walking backward was a clever trick and wanted to make friends with him.They started calling him "Marv" for short and he started to feel less self-conscious about his name. His shyness melted away and he enjoyed playing with his new friends. He still walks, runs, skips and plays soccer backward. He's a happy penguin. He realizes now how well he actually likes his name-Marvnader Harold Schnelp-and thinks it has kind of a regal sound to it.

Love,
YFE

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Notes to Elf

In response to Dec 1 elf note.

Dear YFE,

I don't mind typ. That's cool that you got a new iphone. No I can't think of any. That is strict! What's your real name?

Sinserly
Jordan
P.S. is our house a no fling zone?

Jamie's interpretation:
He doesn't mind type. No, he can't think of any book recommendations. Not getting your library card back for 6 months for flying is a strict rule.

Dear YFE (your favorite Elf)

we herd about your nephew Gunther and how cool your library is. I think the Klopfitz sounds cool. How do you get in the house? What's your name? Do you still have the pirate Alex gave you? Did you know we have a dog named cooper now. He is white and a little bown and small. Grant is 3 Alex is 6 Katie is 9 Jordan is 11 Cooper is 2 years old in human years not elf years In dog years cooper is 14. We can't wait for CHRISTMAS
from JKAG
P.S. write back

(this letter was written by Katie)

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Securely, Katie

I found this funny note on my computer that Katie typed out to her teacher.

Dear Mrs. Frangioso (name has been changed)

I can't wait for Christmas to come. We already have are Christmas tree and decorations up. How about you? What are you doing for Christmas. For Christmas I'm staying home but my grandma and grandpa are coming in town. It's going to be fun. I have a gib Christmas list but mostly I'm thinking about my family and friends. I'm getting my brothers three things my mom and dad one thing and my grandparents one for each couple. This is going ot be an awesome christmas this year. I probably already tolled you about the elf we call him the yfe (your favorite elf) he comes every December day and leaves candy and a note. We give him a note back. Do you have any special occasions for Christmas? My brothers names are Alex age 6 Grant ae 3 Jordan age 11 I think you know him from last year he says he the best kid. Now he is in Mrs. Nally's class. Alex is in Mrs. Logan's class And me I'm in your class.

Securely,
Katie

P.S. Please write back

Dec 2

Dear J, K, A, G, K, and B,

Hey I didn't realize youhad two new additions to the family. Two more people for me to watch throughout the day--SNARKLES! (that's equivalent to your yay or hooray).

Did I ever tell you about Marv, the penguin who always walked backward? No, I didn't think I had. Well, Marvander Harold Schnelp, his real name, was born to Clive and Mattie Schnelp on the North Pole. I know, you thought penguins only lived on the South Pole. Its true that there weren't any penguins on the North Pole until the Schnelp and Shiffle families emmigrated 50 years ago. Even to this day they get a little nervous when they hear that explorers are close to the North Pole. We keep reassurring them that they don't need to hide because of the North Pole Security Act which prompted the building of a state of the art sheild that keeps the North Pole invisible. If you sailed near the pole you wouldn't see a city at all, all you'd see is one medium sized iceberg surrounded by water. I know what you're thinking: what happens if the North Pole gets hit by a ship because its surrounded by water? Well, I'll tell you why. Its because of my friends the Hemmboggs, whose only job is to sit around in the water and gently nudge the ships away from the pole. They are huge, soft, strong creatures whose strength together is greater than that of even the largest cargo ship (which clearly stay away from icebergs). The Hemmboggs love the water and are always excited to use their strength, though they are careful to never tip ships over. They are very gentle and sensitive. I've seen them cry when my nephew Gunther accidentally squished an artic pill bug. Hemmboggs are big, gentle, scary looking (at times) cry babies.

Love, YFE
Only 23 days 'til Christmas. Have you gotten any gifts for anyone yet?

Love, YFE (Your Favorite Elf)

Its December 1st and the elf is back. He's been coming to my house ever since I was a little girl for all the days of December leading up to Christmas. Since he's invisible, he somehow leaves a note and 1 candy per child. In order to track his notes and make sure he's keeping his names and stories straight (wink, wink) I've decided to record all 25 notes right here on the blog.

Dear J, K, A and G,

Its so nice to be visiting you again this Christmas season. I hope you don't mind the typing. I just got a new iphone and I'm love it. I find all sorts of time to stop and type a letter to you and the many other families I visit each year. Like when I'm at the grocery store line or at the library waiting for my nephew, Gunther, to pick out a book. He has such a hard time deciding what to read. Any suggestions? He's reading at about a 4th grade level right now. He loves books about normal human life stuff--life without magic. Andy ideas? The North Pole library is so big. There are millions of books there. I wish I could take you to visit it. You can't reach even half of the ten floors of books because the ceilings are so high and as you know elves are a little on the short side. A few years ago Santa installed a Klopfitz on each floor. A Klopfitz is a rare type of elf that has long strethchy arms. If you can't reach the book you want youself, you just give him the call number and he reaches up and grabs it for you. You might wonder why we don't just fly up to it and get it ourselves. Well, that's because there are strict "no flying zones" in certain places on the North Pole. Its kind of like the "no running" rules at your shool. You you know what happens if you do fly in the library? The head librarian, Elsa, takes your libary card and keeps it inside the library vault for 6 whole months--long enough to keep anyone from flying in the library.

If you want treats, you're going to have to write me more often than last year.

Love,
YFE