In honor of the Boston Marathon today I've been thinking about "hitting the wall". In a marathon hitting the wall "describes the condition when an athlete suddenly loses energy and becomes fatigued" (wikepedia). Since I do not enjoy endurance runs I've never actually experienced this phenomenon but I've felt it in parenting. It seems like every few months or at best once a year I "hit the wall" and just want to give up. This happened a couple of days ago. It was Carl being gone (not even having Friday night to look forward to with him and knowing he'd be gone all day Saturday) mixed with crabby kids and my bad attitude that created this hopelessness. Not that I would actually walk away from the family but I would either 1) angrily send everyone to bed early or 2) lock myself in my room, totally ignoring every one's needs. When people "hit the wall" in a race they often never finish. I've heard this is very common at Heartbreak Hill (a hill near the end of the race) in the Boston Marathon. In parenting maybe after I hit the wall I don't actually quit but I gingerly walk to the end not trying very hard. It took a girls night out with my sister (darn Em, you moved too early) to change my thinking. I think its good to get away sometime in order to have a better look at the big picture. It was nothing big--just a Wendy's side caesar salad and some fabric shopping. I didn't even buy a lot and still I felt pretty happy. Now I'm recommitted to making the most of the hard times (at least this week). I know I have it in me to create a good atmosphere in this house. I love being at home with the kids and I'm determined to expect trouble and be willing to make the most of it. Maybe laugh more at the chaos.
Incidentally, I've heard at Heartbreak Hill (near mile 22) there is a roaring crowd of students at the top of the hill (from Boston College I think) that are cheering on the runners. At least one runner I know was so curious about the noise that he made it up the hill without trouble. It made me think of those people who cheer me on when I'm struggling up life's hills. I want to be a better cheerer.
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5 comments:
Great post Jamie. My father wrote a poem after running the Boston Marathon a few years back- Musings of the Marathon runner. He talks about the "Heartbreak hills" of life. I'll have to find it and send it to you. I think you'd appreciate it.
Thanks for being so candid!! Knowing what you are going through makes me feel more normal. My problem with girls night out is that instead of feeling rejuvenated and pumped up to finish the fight, I always feel like staying in the relaxing, fun place and not going back. Then I just have to remember how good we really do have it, even in the bad times, it's still better than other's life circumstances. Thanks for sharing!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
But I do find that I am quickly rejouvinated, even if it is only a 1/2 hour trip to the store alone and a drive thru sundaee! I am grateful for that, quick turnaround of my senses. I know it is a blessing.
BTW, we are you biggest cheerleaders!
The thing to also remember is that along with "hitting the wall" there is also the "runner's high". It was my favorite part. After a long race I would use up every last ounce of energy in the sprint to the end, it almost felt like an out of body thing. You are going as fast as you can and nothing can stop you! I have those days where I also lock myself in the bathroom for a few minutes of quiet but then I have the days where every one has been happy and we have spent the day just enjoying each other. I think its just the balance of the family dynamic. So as they say keep on keepin' on! We power through the lows and sail on the highs :) I think you are doing just awesome!
Great thought Other Em. You're so right! There's nothing like the runners high as a mom. Those good times will probably outlast the others in our memory.
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